It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
