found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
