I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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