Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
