i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
