So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
