How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
