Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
