i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
