i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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