Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize