The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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