Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
