So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
