im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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