Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
