Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
