I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
