I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
