I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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