the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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