therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
