i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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