if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
pray to the hookup gods
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
