I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
