Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
