Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
40s are totally the cure
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize