I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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