I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
