Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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