I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
