Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
