the day after is always just damage control
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
