So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
