So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
operation have a gay friend backfired
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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