U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
