Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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