The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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