I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dicks are not precious.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize