Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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