I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize