2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
