I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
