i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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