I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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