Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
