i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
