I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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