dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
