Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it because I queefed?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
