I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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