8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
