In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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