i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Boobs are out for the taking
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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