Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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