you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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