she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
vagina is talking i cant
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
