Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
