She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
