He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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