I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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