i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
