So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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