meet me or not, i'm out of control
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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