She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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