I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
