do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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