last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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