Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
