I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
