everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
