Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
