Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
