I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
