Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
