I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize