Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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