Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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