The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
