well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
