Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
