whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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