Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
