just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
