Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
