; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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