I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
