I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
