Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize