This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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