I just cut my nipple shaving
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
