Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
