if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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