i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
