im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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