It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
